I feel like I have a weird way of thinking. I see a lot of people doing amazing things in the world. Helping others, creating amazing works of art, founding and running successful businesses, and basically, getting shit done. All while I'm over here fretting about sitting on the couch and watching YouTube videos during the day.
It's not that I don't have dreams and goals that I want to achieve. Well, it's partly not that because I don't have
defined dreams and goals that I can work toward. No, my dreams and goals are simple things without any clear way to achieve them. Creating a simple life. Being happy. Staying organized. Stopping my procrastination. Things that I find are difficult to work toward because they don't involve actually steps to complete or, even, a completed stage.
I also seem to believe that once something is written down, analog or digital, then that thing is completed. I've tried to start an exercise routine for years. I've always started with a plan, on paper or in Evernote, with steps to start and a progression to the exercise but, I've never fully started the routine. Partly because it is difficult to get started but, also because once I've written something down I see that as a completed task. I need and want to get better at following through on what I've planned on starting. I want to get over the biggest hurdle in my life; the getting started phase.
I know that simply writing down that I want to do or start something doesn't mean that it is done or started. And yet, that is what seems to always happen. The simple task of creating the goal or task seems to be the end of that goal or task in my mind. I don't know how to attack that problem. It is a simple problem to fix; start doing and working on the goal or task that I write down. Pretty basic productivity stuff there. But, it seems like I can't quite give myself that push I need to get going.
On Mental Health Day I wrote about how I catastrophize everything and my negative self talk. I think that plays a huge roll in how I interact with my goals and tasks. If I create a goal and commit that to paper then that is something that I will potentially fail at achieving. I am afraid of failure. I have always been afraid of failure. I am so afraid of failure that I will quit, or not start, things because I think I will fail at them. I need to overcome that fear. I need to realize that failure is a part of life and that is not a reason to not start something.
So, I will do my best at overcoming that fear of failure and try to find the self motivation I need to start projects, goals, and tasks. Of course, the crux of the problem is that just because I state that I will do something means that now my good old brain will think that I've completed something which will lead me to not start it. I will have to remind myself, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, that just because I've stated something doesn't mean that it is completed. It means that it is just started. It is now a journey that I need to take, need to start, need to
As the Nike slogan says: Just Do It.
We'll see how this goes as the year progesses and I start working towards goals that I've set myself.