No Idea

Showing all posts tagged thoughts:

I have always found it hard to make plans. Not the taking trip kind of plans. In the personal growth, tasks & projects, kind of plans.

I want to do things.

Build a website
Plant a garden
Cook more
Exercise more
Get healthier
Read more

I have lists of stuff I want to do. Some in my head, some in Evernote, some in physical notebooks, and probably some other places as well.

My problem is the doing part of the plans. Well, that and breaking down the plan into smaller pieces.

It is one thing to say 'I want to get healthier' and quite another to say "I will stop smoking, eat more fruits and vegtables, get regular exercise'.

But even those smaller steps require smaller steps themselves to accomplish.

It is a never ending parade of smaller steps until you hit one that you can start with.

My problem has always been that I can't get through the first or second round of the parade before I give up.

I have no endurance.

No endurance to put the plan into motion to start the plan.

I just want to be a better person magically.

I know that is not houw it works in reality.

It would be nice if it was though.

Here's to a new year of struggling while working on bettering myself.

This was an unexpected thought process to have this morning.

Will I need my PC setup for desktop use once the Steam Controller gets delivered?

The PC is parked on the entertainment center just below my 42" plasma TV. The Monitor and keyboard and speakers are on the desk next to it.

With the Pixelbook becoming my primary device, will I use the PC for more than gaming? How much more? Will I use it daily? Weekly?

If all I'm going to do on the PC now is run Steam then I can run it in Big Picture mode and use the controller and sit in my Poang to play games.

Maybe it's time to rethink how my office is set up.

One of the Goals I set out to work on at the beginning of the year was to be more productive.

I want to be clear that my idea of Productivity is going to be a bit different than the traditional idea of productivity. I'm not concerned with how much stuff I'm doing but, rather with what stuff I'm doing. Am I working on Goals and Projects I want to be working on? Am I sticking to the Chore and Cleaning Plan I created? Am I missing something that will help me move forward? Do I want to continue doing the things that I'm doing?

My idea of Producticity is much more inline with the idea of Focus.

I want and need to sit down one day this week and Focus on how I want my system to work.

I want a system that will be flexible enough for me to work mindfully and thoughtfully. I want a system where I can throw things in a digital place and still feel comfortable using an analog notebook.

I think my best bet here is to use a version of Getting Things Done that relies heavily on Capture and Review. Which is I'm remembering my read through is the main focus of the system.

I just need to set up a system that I am comfortable with and that I will follow.

And that is the hard part.

I know that I should spend 15 - 20 minutes planning out the next day the night before. But, after I come home from work, I just want to veg out for a bit and not worry about the next day. Then in the morning I just want to drink coffee and not worry about what I am supposed to be working on until it's time to go to work. That is my procrastiation problem. That is what I want to work on stopping.

The laziness that is inherent in my morning "routine" is what drives me batty and what I want to change. I just need to buckle down and actually get to start doing the things that I want to do to make that change.

I am not a morning person by nature. I can, if needed, be ready to go shortly after waking up. But, I much prefer to take my time getting ready for the day.

It is not unusual for me to spend 2 hours drinking coffee and browsing the internet while watching YouTube videos in the morning.

Sometimes, I feel guilty at "wasting" the time.

Sometimes, I understand that I don't need to be productive all the time everyday.

Sometimes, I call myself lazy for my morning habits.

I think I read too much productivity porn on the internet and need to forgive myself more. I don't have to be busy 24-7. I don't always have e to be doing something.

So.etimes it is okay to watch YouTube and just be.

My days normally follow a regular routine.

I get up between 8:30 and 9:00 am. Make a cup or three of coffee using the Keurig. Open my Chromebook and sit on the couch and read RSS feeds for a few hours. Then I notice that I haven't done anything with my day so I do chores for about 30 minutes. All of a sudden, it's 2 pm and time to get ready for work.

It sucks to realize that you've wasted way a day doing nothing but, reading articles and looking at pictures online. I could have been using that time to exercise and get in shape, read actual books instead of clickbait articles, or even learn a new skill.

So, today, I am saying that I am done with that routine. That routine lead to procrastination and the "I don't want to do this now" thinking that has contributed to the feeling of being stuck that I've lived with for years. It will be hard to make the adjustment. There will be times that I don't want to do what I've planned for the day. I know I will stumble and fail on the way. I will forgive myself for those stumbles and start again the next day. I am to get better at being the person that I want to be instead of continuing to be the person that I am.

I've said all this to myself many, many times over the years and I've failed to break the habit. Why will this time be different? I don't know if it will. But, I want to try to break the old habits that I've built and start new habits that will lead me to where I want to be.

I want to be more active. I want to read more books. I want to be in better health. I want to learn new things. I want to grow as a person. I want to change. Sitting on the couch reading RSS feeds hasn't helped me change so far so, I must change what I'm doing.

I don't know if it will stick but, I hope it will. I'm going to give it my best shot and try not to get discouraged when I miss a day, try not to beat myself up for a misstep and instead get back up and continue on the road to change.

I feel like I have a weird way of thinking. I see a lot of people doing amazing things in the world. Helping others, creating amazing works of art, founding and running successful businesses, and basically, getting shit done. All while I'm over here fretting about sitting on the couch and watching YouTube videos during the day.

It's not that I don't have dreams and goals that I want to achieve. Well, it's partly not that because I don't have
defined dreams and goals that I can work toward. No, my dreams and goals are simple things without any clear way to achieve them. Creating a simple life. Being happy. Staying organized. Stopping my procrastination. Things that I find are difficult to work toward because they don't involve actually steps to complete or, even, a completed stage.

I also seem to believe that once something is written down, analog or digital, then that thing is completed. I've tried to start an exercise routine for years. I've always started with a plan, on paper or in Evernote, with steps to start and a progression to the exercise but, I've never fully started the routine. Partly because it is difficult to get started but, also because once I've written something down I see that as a completed task. I need and want to get better at following through on what I've planned on starting. I want to get over the biggest hurdle in my life; the getting started phase.

I know that simply writing down that I want to do or start something doesn't mean that it is done or started. And yet, that is what seems to always happen. The simple task of creating the goal or task seems to be the end of that goal or task in my mind. I don't know how to attack that problem. It is a simple problem to fix; start doing and working on the goal or task that I write down. Pretty basic productivity stuff there. But, it seems like I can't quite give myself that push I need to get going.

On Mental Health Day I wrote about how I catastrophize everything and my negative self talk. I think that plays a huge roll in how I interact with my goals and tasks. If I create a goal and commit that to paper then that is something that I will potentially fail at achieving. I am afraid of failure. I have always been afraid of failure. I am so afraid of failure that I will quit, or not start, things because I think I will fail at them. I need to overcome that fear. I need to realize that failure is a part of life and that is not a reason to not start something.

So, I will do my best at overcoming that fear of failure and try to find the self motivation I need to start projects, goals, and tasks. Of course, the crux of the problem is that just because I state that I will do something means that now my good old brain will think that I've completed something which will lead me to not start it. I will have to remind myself, daily, weekly, monthly, yearly, that just because I've stated something doesn't mean that it is completed. It means that it is just started. It is now a journey that I need to take, need to start, need to

As the Nike slogan says: Just Do It.

We'll see how this goes as the year progesses and I start working towards goals that I've set myself.

I would love for Apple to update the home screen in iOS to allow me the ability to not have all of my app icons on the home screen.

I am tired of the screen of icons that was introduced with the iPhone in 2007. I don't believe that I am the only one.

With the introduction of search for apps, the app icon on the home screen requirement does not make sense. If an app is installed and searchable then, why do I have to have the icon on the home screen? It leads to clutter and useless folders.

My ideal setup is to have my most used apps in the dock and the rest nowhere to be seen so that I can see whatever wallpaper I have chosen at the time.

The way the home screen works is that I would have to shove everything into a folder and then move that folder to a different screen. I just want one screen.

Quick thought on CGI and close ups in action sequences.

The opening scene is a car / motorcycle chase. The motorcycle chase happens on the roof of the Grand Bazaar of Istanbul. And for some unthinkable reason Sam Mendes decided to add close ups of Daniel Craig that look horrible. Instead of seeing this amazing chase happen from above and behind we are treated to a minute of cuts of various angles that do nothing but take us out of the action. I don't want to see Bond's face. I know he's concentrating on not falling off the damned roof.

Not even the obviously fake Komodo Dragons are as bad as the cuts to Daniel Craig's face in that motorcycle chase.

I am a procrastinator. I procrastinate. All. The. Time. I do not like it. It is one of the things that I want to change about myself. I just don't know how to start. I know that if I start looking at ways to not procrastinate, I'll end up procrastinating which means I don't start trying to not procrastinate.

Luckily, I do not have very many time dependent events in my life right now.

I will find a way to start doing things. Getting Things Done, as it's called. That's my next project. Read David Allen's book and work on finding a method that works for me to get done everything I want to get done.

I have tried before and lapsed. I will probably lapse again. It is time to start looking at starting as the beginning and not the end of a habit. It is time to start realizing that just because I don't reach my goal doesn't mean I failed. After all, at least I started working towards something.

I know this will be a long process. I know there will be bumps in the road. I'm writing this now, hopefully, so that when I reach those bumps I won't stop working because I think the bumps are too big. I don't want to continue stopping at perceived walls. I want to start trying to scale those walls that I think are too big. I want to accomplish something. Something just for me. Something that I can look back and say, "Hey, I did that thing I said I was going to do".

I start today. I start working towards not procrastinating and making things more difficult by putting them off. Instead of saying, "I can do that later", it is time to start saying, "I have time now."